Dear Liberal Party
May 14, 2024
Dear Liberal Party:
Another of your emails found its way into my inbox the other day. I had never subscribed to your emails and keep clicking the unsubscribe link at the end of every unwanted email you send, yet you still thought it was important enough to send this to me anyway. So I decided to read it. What the hell. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I must say I’m quite surprised to see the Liberals actively reaching out to train campaign volunteers. Even though your party is tanking in the polls and would be lucky to finish in third place if an election were held today, true Liberals believe they have a divine right to rule. In your view, Liberals shouldn’t have to campaign at all. But desperate times call for desperate measures. So now you’ve actually got to stoop to asking voters for their support. Difficult and humiliating as it must be, sometimes you’ve got to hold your nose and endure the unendurable. It’s one of those things that you’ve got to suffer through in a system with election cycles every four years and parties other than the Liberals on the ballot.
No doubt your scandal-ridden leader is working on a way to dispense with those petty details and turn Canada into the basic dictatorship he so admires. But you can’t just modernize the system overnight. Reforms on that scale take time. Even with a crash program, you won’t be able to implement it before the next election. Perhaps your leader can make up another emergency, just like he did with Covid, so that you won’t have to face the voters again. The masses have woken up, however, and will be increasingly wise to any shenanigans. It will be tough to pull off. I don’t envy your position.
But you’re doing what you can with the hand you’re dealt. Which is why you’re training volunteers for a future campaign, much as it pains you to have to do. I like the idea of hosting BBQs. Free food always draws a crowd. Maybe it will help take voters’ minds off how food prices are skyrocketing. With free food on the table, critical thinking goes out the window. At least you hope anyway. While their mouths are full, you can try to sell them on how the greed of big, evil corporations like Loblaws is the root cause of the affordability crisis we find ourselves in, not the Liberal government’s overspending and taxation. Getting out there on social media to troll supporters of other parties never hurts either. You might reclaim a vote here or there and it doesn’t cost much besides the volunteer’s time.
No doubt you’ll also be conducting training on setting wildfires. I know it’s something you can’t talk about too openly. Even the Liberal-funded state media would have a hard time sweeping it under the rug if you did. But you know and I know that all those wildfires raging in Alberta and British Columbia right now aren’t the result of lightning strikes or climate change. Most were deliberately set by like-minded activists who are trying to scare the masses so they’ll more readily accept carbon taxes and the climate lockdowns your party would love to implement. The climate scam is, after all, the cornerstone of Liberal policy these days.
Sure, there will be a lot of damage to the forests and the environment, but it’s not about the best interests of the country. It’s about the best interests of the Liberals. If it means you have to burn down half the country to sway voters in your direction, then so be it. Politics is a dirty game and nothing’s off limits.
I suspect those training sessions will include mapping out the best locations to start the fires and deciding on what equipment to use. Do you simply take a gas can into the bush, empty it and strike a match or forget the gas cans and use professional-grade flamethrowers? Amazingly, they’re not even restricted weapons. It should make for an interesting series of brainstorming sessions. If I had more time, I’d like to listen in. Hear for myself just how far this lame-duck Liberal government will go to stay in power.
This has been an interesting exercise, but I really don’t need any more emails from the Liberals. Though I’m not terribly optimistic, I do hope that this will be the time you’ll finally honor my unsubscribe request.
Oh, and please try not to burn too much of the forests. The smoke from the wildfires is nasty.
---- Original message ----
From: Liberal Party of Canada
To: Me
Subject: NATIONAL SUMMER OUTREACH VIRTUAL CAMPAIGN COLLEGE
Hello Curtis,
As we head into the summer, I’m excited to let you know that we’re stepping up our work to keep growing our movement, train more volunteers, and build winning campaigns across the country. That’s why we’re hosting a Summer Outreach Virtual Team Trudeau Campaign College on June 8th from 12:00 pm to 5:00 pm ET, and I hope you’ll join us.
The summer months are a very important time for community outreach, and this campaign college will focus on the best ways to maximize these efforts. You will be able to pick and choose sessions that best fit your summer outreach plans, from hosting a BBQ, to organizing a community booth, to promoting our movement on social media. Learn more about the tools and resources available to you and your team over the summer months. Whether you’re a seasoned pro looking for a refresher, or hoping to be part of your first campaign – there will be something for everyone.
Register now and Join us in June!
Virtual Team Trudeau Campaign College
June 8th, 2024
12:00 pm to 5:00 pm ET
Please note: This event will have simultaneous translation in French and English.
If there are any questions, please reply to this email and let me know. I’m looking forward to connecting with you and your team on June 8th!
Thank you,
Jeremy Broadhurst
National Campaign Director
Liberal Party of Canada
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